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iamnotjeremy's LiveJournal:
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| Monday, November 23rd, 2009 | | 2:18 pm |
I realise that everytime i post something it is sort of trans-related. Maybe that makes it seem like that's all my life is about but it is probably just because i'm not the sort to recount my days to the internet. I think this LJ is just my way to think out loud about certain things that affect me deeply, or things/perspectives that i wanna share with the world/my friends. Gots to counter the shitload of crap that people are trying to bury us under with some truth right? Over lunch i was thinking about how both our families used the "you're so young and you're at an impressionable age now so you take in whatever the media/MOE's "failed" sex education taught you, and you need to trust us because we're just oh-so-wise and objective" argument against us. Yes, they might be older, but i honestly think that it is them that is more impressionable and subjective than us. And this applies to the millions of anti-LGBT people all over the world. (Sometimes i really wonder why T is mixed with LGB. We're such different camps that it just seems to mislead people. =/) Parents/adults like to think that we're impressionable, that the media/internet portrays LGBT people as cool/hip so we blindly follow suit and think it is okay. HELL NO. I dont know about other countries but in Singapore it is far from the truth. The truth is that there is so much shit against LGBT people in the media without even taking into account the government's stance and various policies (i still rmb the anti-homosexual talk in secondary school) that to think that being part of the LGBT is cool is just plain idiocy. To me anyway. Adding onto that, pressure from all the people around you, having to come out to your friends, having to lose some friends because of who you are just seems to reinforce the notion that being part of the LGBT community is downright depressing, which sometimes, it is! It is just that for some of us folks we dont have a choice. We'd rather be depressed with how the world sees us but happy with having found and made peace with our identity, than have the world be happy with us and yet be filled with self-loath. For our parents to even think that the media has skewed our perceptions because we are impressionable just reinforces the fact that THEY are the impressionable bunch, because they believe in this common myth so easily just because it is repeated time and time again in the media and out of the mouths of an equally impressionable bunch. To subscribe to that kind of thinking with no reliable experience in the matter other than what the newspapers tell you is kinda (stupid?). Compared to us, we're in the situation ourselves [and when i say us i really mean I because my girlfriend isnt part of the LGBT at all, but her situation is more of association with me. I am poisonous like that -.-] and even though there is so much mindless judgement, stereotype, complications, we still think that it is right for us and so that should say something right? That we're far from impressionable because we are still together and i am still be because we havent taken in a word said by the media (for good reason), and she hasnt listened to her friends' or other people's secret thoughts etc Calling us impressionable? I just dont understand. And yes, maybe we arent the most subjective people because we're in the situation ourselves, but if a parent does nothing but to condemn the situation from the start solely based on old myths, biased media reports, and no personal experience or even RESEARCH, then they are far from objective. At least we've sort of seen both sides because we are aware of the negativity in the media and in society, but as for parents they have got NO IDEA or interest in finding out that maybe, just maybe this is the right way to go. I KNOW that transitioning is right for me for a lot of reasons which i wont go into but i am definitely 100% positive. For some people it's more vague and not 100% but for me it is. I have never seen myself in a different way, ever. From as far back as my memory goes it's been like that and that's why i am so sure. And i do think that i am as normal as the next person, i just have shitty circumstances. I like and am totally at peace with the kind of person that i am (mentally. as in i dont think i am insane i like who i am) and how i've turned out. So those people who think that i "must yearn for normalcy" should just not talk because i am alr normal. If you give me a chance to rid being trans, i would definitely go for it only if it means i am getting a new body. Of course i want to do without the jabs and the surgeries. But if it means you want to make me identify differently, HELL NO. i am happy with myself and it would disgust me to ever think of myself identifying as a girl. And before you throw the sexist argument at me, no i do not think that girls are inferior, they are just not me. Most guys would agree. If you tell us that one day we will identify as girls we would probably say "no thanks" not because we dont like girls but because we like the way we are and we are programmed to not identify as girls. I am having a hard time getting this point across fluently. But damn i need to study so i cant overthink this now. But anyway my point is that people/parents really shouldnt judge kids and see them as impressionable because if their children is part of the LGBT they will probably have very good reasons/strong feelings to identify as so because everyone's aware that the LGBT gets treated rather badly by the media/society. Time to study. | | Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 | | 7:26 pm |
Cos i laughed when i thought about this.
I dont know why i didnt lj about this. Only a few months into medicine, but i gave my first 4ml intramuscular injection almost a month ago... to myself. It was a pain in the ass but it feels kinda like an achievement! Haha 23gauge needle (: which isnt so bad really. It's just the not knowing what you are doing and praying that you dont end up hitting any major nerves or vessels. Well, the butt is pretty safe if you do it in the right quadrant, but you never know! But i also should have known that i've watched enough intramuscular injections to have got most of the steps covered already XD Still, the first time the doctor administered it my leg jerked involuntary so i was pretty scared that if i do it again while holding the needle i might do sth wrong. Thankfully, it went fine and hurt less actually! It just started aching really badly after the first couple of ml since it is such a huge dose. Plus you have to do it REALLY slowly to avoid complications. I think i took more than a minute o.O But it helped that superwoman was there (sorta!) cyberly, and i had supervision, even the person supervising has never done one before either. Well she knows the theories at least! Anyway, it was pretty cool, at least to myself. So much for fretting about it the day before though. | | Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 | | 11:02 pm |
| | Sunday, October 18th, 2009 | | 1:24 pm |
| | Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 | | 10:37 pm |
Random
So Ireland's pretty nice. It's getting much colder now after our recent few weeks of REALLY GOOD weather (not characteristic of Ireland at all). Yesterday i walked out of my apartment to go to sch but it was pouring and i couldnt find my umbrella cos i stopped packing it in after so many crazy consecutive days of not needing it. Ended up just pulling my hood up and walking in the rain. Think i might do just that from now on (: Though i look really retarded when i put my hood up. Rain lasted pretty much throughout the morning and early afternoon. Now that's Ireland for you. Wonder if my hermit friend is having better weather nearby in London. Either way California's weather is still the best (: Lucky lucky. Anyway, 17 months (: Woah. And 2.5 months till i see you again. FLY TIME FLY. | | Saturday, September 12th, 2009 | | 11:43 pm |
Empty hands.
</lj-embed> I'll watch the night turn light blue, but it's not the same without you, because it takes two to whisper quietly. The silence isnt so bad, till i look at my hands and feel sad. Cos the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly. And i'll forget the world that i knew, but i swear i wont forget you. Oh if my voice could reach back to the past, i'll whisper in your ear "Oh darling i wish you were here." | | Sunday, May 31st, 2009 | | 3:19 am |
Everybody is making decisions. Scary stuff. Wonder if i'll make the right one. Hmmm. BUT ANYWAY, this post is just a oh-i-havent-ljed-in-eons-so-i-should! Probably a crap post, but i think that is just continuing the pattern for this lj anyway (: Yep. I had an awesome day anyway (: Oh, and i am currently having a really painful throat infection. Bad bad sore throat and really swollen lymph nodes. They hurt when pressure is applied to my neck and when i lean my head backwards, cos i think it stretches the area and it's too tight and pain shoots up the sides of my neck up to my head. New. Not fun. ( I remember honey lips and words so true, i remember nonstop earthquake dreams of you (: ) | | Saturday, February 21st, 2009 | | 1:26 am |
| | Monday, February 9th, 2009 | | 11:25 pm |
| | Thursday, February 5th, 2009 | | 10:10 pm |
| | Monday, January 19th, 2009 | | 3:13 am |
| | Friday, January 9th, 2009 | | 4:14 am |
And I’m a lucky soul that holds your hands so tight. (:
I'm really supposed to be sleeping but i got carried away doing something else. At least i was being productive and am getting somewhere with this little project of mine! Haha hermit, i think it is looking pretty good! It's not perfect but this is my first time doing anything like it so (: In the meantime i am also majorly procrastinating on the remaining of my uni apps that are due in feb. Shall touch them soon.
( I choose the way to go but the road wont set me free )
Day after day, fickle visions messing with your head. Fickle vicious.
Sleeping in your bed, messing with your head, Fickle visions, fickle vicious.
Sleep sugar, let your dreams flood in
Like waves of sweet fire, you're safe within
Sleep sweetie, let your floods come rushing in
And carry you over to a new morning- Sleep, Poets of the Fall | | Monday, January 5th, 2009 | | 10:49 am |
Whenever your world starts crashing down, that's where you find me.
It's weird seeing my brother go to school. He is J1 this year in RJ. Haha, and he is taking the same combi as me. Wonder if he gets my teachers! Sometimes i miss school (i think most of us do), but most of the time i'm pretty relieved that i'm done. My school life would have been much better if people were more educated abt transpeople and if the school didn't go all anal on me about the uniform. I guess what's done is done, so i'm pretty much at peace with it. I think i just miss playing soccer, not having to worry about my future, my class, my friends, seeing you between classes (which requires no explanation to superannoying). Haha. Ohwell, everyone has to go through it. Hmmm. Oh i havent said much about the new year, other than the fact that i had an awesome time! It's always nice to wrap 2008 up with someone who made my 2008 truly awesome and live-able, and begin 2009 with someone who i hope i will have an even more awesome year with. Hah. It was really nice. I believe my first geeky comment of the year was when i said sth along the lines of "WOAH the fireworks actually split/burst/spread out explosively (dunno the word) before you hear the sound, because the speed of light travels faster than the speed of sound!" Haha, i guess physics did do me some good! I know maybe i am slow at realising it, but this is coming from the guy who has only seen live fireworks twice in his life, so bear with me! Yes, my family is super un-happening on new years eve. We mostly spend it sleeping/just watching TV. Also the other day while staring at the big wheel-y thing near marina square i commented on the possibility of it being self sustainable (interchange between kinetic and potential energy) because it made no sense for them to turn off one of the escalators to "conserve electricity", when they are just gonna waste it on some random huge wheel. I remember superwoman looking at me in a i-cant-decide-whether-i-should-laugh-or-b e-weirded-out manner. Haha! (: But she did have her own geeky outburst too when i said that it probably isnt possible because the system will lose energy due to air resistance/friction, and she said energy cant be lost, which i replied yes, but the system can lose energy to the surroundings. Okay i started blabbering, but moral of the story is that i have geeky random outbursts that she is supposed to be used to alr but i guess it might sound weird since we're not in school anymore! Random outburst: 2 more days till lunch and dinner!!! Can you believe it's 8 alr? (i know it's the 7th) Woots. In other news: I have started weightlifting again, and the familiar burn i feel in my arms and chest feels so nice. I cant believe i even let myself lose the discipline i tried so hard to maintain in the past! But it's alright, getting me back into the shape i was in at the start of JC, and improving even further is one of my resolutions for the year! Right. On to resolutions. Most of the blogs i go to say that they dont have resolutions cos they think they'll break them. But what's the fun in that? Resolutions are attempts! No one's gonna spank you if you dont meet them so why not try? (: ( Resolutions? ) | | Thursday, January 1st, 2009 | | 3:38 am |
I just had the awesome-est New Year of my life. (: Please 2009, will you be nice to me too? | | Friday, December 26th, 2008 | | 4:52 am |
But you and me babe, you and me will be alright (:
Haha it's been really long since my last post, so i thought i should say something to keep this LJ alive. Hee. So it's about 5hrs past xmas and i'm here on my com being nocturnal and doing my essays and patiently waiting for someone to come back from Australia! haha! >.< A BELATED XMAS TO ALL PEOPLE WHO READ THIS ANYWAY! (: Cos i'm nice. XD Xmas has always been rather bland for me. Well we dont really celebrate it, it's probably just a time for my relatives to meet up and usually only the small kids get presents. The presents under the xmas tree used to be fake but this year i got some real ones, though they were rather hmm. You would think that with me and how i look/present myself i would get manlier presents? But no, my relatives still enjoy depriving me and giving me gay presents that will never see the light of day. IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! haha. -sarcasm- It's okay, it's okay. I can deal. Superwoman gave me awesome stuff anyway, and i did get to talk to her online when she was really supposed to be sleeping since the time difference is 3hrs. (: Haha. I think there has been quite a bit of the "what now?" feeling post As. The future seems rather scary to me. I dont know how my transition plans are gonna work out. They seem to bank on me going overseas, but i really dont know if that will be the case. Hopefully it does. if it doesnt then it would depend on my parents, who at this point, i am still not optimistic about. You would think after 4 years of denial they would have gotten somewhere? But my mum's xmas present to me was still wrapped in pink. And no, not cool hot pink, but light pink, the gayest-shade-of-pink, that's what i call it! Haha. Hope they come round soon. It's on my xmas wishlist. Hope santa thinks that i've been nice (: Ohwell guess i better get back to my essays if i ever wanna get some sleep! Goodnight all! And well, good morning superwoman!
And I know that some might say that we should be afraid of the road that lies ahead.
Well let me say this instead.
You and me babe, you and me will be alright.
-Gonna be alright, Shayne Ward
| | Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 | | 1:06 am |
If anyone could tell me what kind of tie goes with a red striped shirt with a white base, that would be nice! Oh and with a black suit. (: I think i have a spaz ability to visualise clothes. Bummer. | | Saturday, November 22nd, 2008 | | 11:23 pm |
So the As are over and i actually felt quite numb when it did but i guess things are nice now. Though it doesnt really feel like the As are over. There is still so much to do. SATs to study for and essays to write for uni apps. So it's pretty frustrating. It feels like i'm being lied to. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE OVERRR! But anyhow it's fine. Just that i'm a little stressed out cos my family planned a trip to clubmed and i'm leaving tmr. So that doesnt really give me much time to study/write my essay. Gah. Hope things turn out fine. So anyway i'll be gone, hope you guys are enjoying your hols! (: | | Sunday, November 16th, 2008 | | 1:41 pm |
I do not do not do not understand. What's in it for YOU? Let's start by saying that i have no personal investment in this. I am not gay (if this surprises you, you need to google and educate yourself, BADLY.) and i am not an American. But i am so deeply deeply disappointed in them. All this jazz about equality? BULLSHIT. (for those ignorant bigots i mean.) PS. I know this happened a little while back, but you know, A levels makes everything else that is not physicschemistrymatheconomics take a backseat in your life. There there, now you know my combi, and yes, i am glad i didnt take bio and have to take that killer bio paper 2 i've been hearing about (: PCME for the win! Hahahahahaha i have a bad sense of humour... XD So anyway moving on to what has been bothering me this past few days: Alright, so the biggest news these days is that OBAMA GOT ELECTED TO BE PRESIDENT, woohoo clapclap get out your party poppers! But fuck that. (I thought long and hard about allowing the f word to be out of the closet in this lj-post, but you know what there is no word i can think of that is more fitting right now.) Obama won, people screamed EQUALITY, the end of BIGOTRY, black people, hispanic people etc all celebrated because finally, a black man can be president. They are not seen as second class citizens now, they are RESPECTED! Before the election ended, i was on youtube and watched a few mccain/obama videos and there would always be this stupid argument in the comments. People who supported mccain were mostly flooded with things along the lines of "You racist pig. A black man is a person too, it does not make him muslim/a terrorist! We are all equal!" And anyone who supported obama, (: (It's my lj, i get to be a little biased, right? XD) Still it's been all yak until now so i hope to see some real change going on. But you know what. After all that commotion about equality and all that history thrown out in speeches about slavery, about how black people were considered only a fraction of white people (i think it was in the constitution. correct me if i am wrong), and that black people could not vote, and that at some point of time, black people could only sit on a certain part of the bus. They could get on the bus, but they could only sit here, not there. (will get back to this) After all the history lessons and black/hispanic/non-white people crying out for equality, Obama got elected, and proposition 8 got passed. Along with Proposition 102 and one or two more. And honestly, after reading about these few propositions and amendments, i am not too sure that i can be excited about obama anymore. Proposition 8 if i am not wrong, makes it illegal for gay people to be married, and for children in schools to NOT be educated about homosexuality. Oh really, so not educating them is so important because we want to terrorise and hurt gay teenagers and children who at this point in their lives feel so alienated, judged and not accepted in their society, and continue to make them feel alone and not be able to understand that they are not alone, that it happens, and that it is okay. Really. And then a few of the others were so that it could be put into the CONSTITUTION (or some other important document. Because i am this bad at remembering facts >.<) that marriage should only be between a man and a woman, so that the courts and stuff would not be able to legalise same sex marriages in the near future since it is not fitting with that definition. It basically makes it harder for them to fight for their RIGHTS. At this point i'm so ready to say fuck you world, you are so screwed up and this is so double standard. So black people fought long and hard for their RIGHT to be respected and recognised as people and as equals, but now they are going to DISALLOW other people the right to marry and be treated as equals too? Eg. oh, i'm straight so i can be married, but you cant, because you're gay. You can get civil unions and stuff in the future, but no it cannot be a marriage. You can only go so far. Anyone other than me see a parallel between this and the whole bus situation? Oh you can get on the bus and all. but STAY THERE, not here. And get this :" Exit polls for The Associated Press found that Proposition 8 received critical support from black voters who flocked to the polls to support Barack Obama for president. About seven in 10 blacks voted in favor of the ban, while Latinos also supported it and whites were split." So you guys fought so hard for equality and the right to vote for all of these years just so you can VOTE AGANST someone else's rights? WHAT?! What happened to the call for equality, the call for tolerance, the call for the end of hatred. You guys are just as bigoted as those whom you called bigots! AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT THIS POST I S NOT AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE. I still do respect the 3 out of 10 who voted no against the ban. I think they must be really awesome. It's just glaringly obvious to me, that there is a double standard going on. And i obviously would not leave out the portion of the white population who voted yes. Basically, i'm all for equality, and all against bigotry. However, i would like to acknowledge that i do agree that everyone's a little bit racist (the popular Avenue Q song). It's rather natural to feel like you dont understand another person's race. It is also natural to feel a little bit apprehensive about other people's religion. It's natural to be apprehensive about people who are different from you, BUT DO NOT HATE, and more definitely, DO NOT VOTE AWAY THEIR RIGHTS!!! Ahhh. I do not claim to be a perfect individual, capable of loving every single one in the world. I get peeved at people, people who are different, people who are similar, all people. I'd even go so far to admit that sometimes i am scared of the bangladeshi workers that are working on the wall in my house, but i do not hate them nor will i vote away their rights! It's just ignorance on my part. How can anyone believe that they are entitled to? There's so much yak about the fact that we are "redefining marriage". Oh yea, even you haters have admitted that it is a DEFINITION, created by man, created by flawed men, that can be subject to change. And even so, there has never been a concrete definition, it has always been a loose definition, about two people being in love getting married and acknowledging their love. Up till the point where people decided to get all extreme on it and say that it can only be between a man and a woman. There is no unspoken rule in humanity. Everything's by a case by case basis so dont even get all "it's against the morals" on me. And one of them voted away gay people's rights to adopt. -Gets furious- I will not even go into the whole argument about how straight people can make even worse parents. Sometimes i wish my parents were gay, so that i would be taught tolerance and not hate. So they could learn to love me even though i am different. So that they accept me for who i am not not be in denial about who i am. Sometimes. I shall stop now before i get too emotional. Hope you guys are doing well and all the best for what's left of As. I'm way too excited about it ending that i'm already behaving like it's ended. (: Do tell me what you guys think too (: | | Saturday, November 8th, 2008 | | 1:18 am |
| | Wednesday, November 5th, 2008 | | 10:27 pm |
HAHA YES OBAMA WON! Almost every lj i breifly visited today has shown some kinda support for obama. Haha i really cannot see what republicans see in mccain. Ohwell. (: |
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